Never would I think that everything that once was, would
be gone and be gone so fast. My heart is shattered beyond any belief. Since the
day you “My Father” left me there has been nothing but pain and suffering.
Everyday since I was little till now has been a war…a war never won. For as
long as I can remember there has been nothing but tears and screams and no way
to break free. How can a person inflict so much pain on another person?
Sometime I wonder if this is what it feels like to be dead, if there’s anything
that could hurt more than this. The years I have longed to run away from the
pain and to keep the tears from running from my mother’s face, I have become
such a melancholy, enraged, bemused almost lifeless person because of you… and
it means nothing to you! The struggle I have…. to keep
the tears from falling. To stay strong
trying to keep away my mother’s misery and tears. I am so lost, it’s like the whole world has turned on me
completely! My heart seems like it could never be mended after the year of
suffering, trying to figure out what was going around me and how to fix
everything even then at a young age. I have watched you put my mother through
so much pain, so many tears fall down here face, bruises on her skin…. I don’t
understand how another human being could inflict nor want to inflict so much
pain on another person. Why do we no longer mean nothing to you? I’m amazed
that you can just act like nothing ever happened at all. It breaks my heart so
bad to know that I am just a daughter of one instead of two.. The way you have
talked to me while you ‘’Miss Me’’ , The evil that has over taken you.. and
still to this day 4 months later you still try to do and start anything that
you can. Lie on my mother in any way you can, hurt her in any way you can think
of. For once in my life I would love to be a teenager just once. You never gave
me that chance even as a child. I was forced to deal with and see things that a
child should not have to see or try to understand. I had to become a woman 10
years ago because I had to! I always felt like I had to fend for my mother, to
keep my mother safe from my own father.. and yet somehow some way you always
made me feel like every fight and everything was my fault and still to this day
even though your gone.. I know deep down God has something better planned for
us, that everything will be ok. It just seems like it’s going to take forever
before that happens.
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