July 15th My Awaiting

I’m falling…I’m falling hard, I’m falling deep. Scared to turn and really look at you… for your beauty blinds me. With the tiny piece of heart that is left, my body waits in terror for it to be shattered…. but you already took that piece from me and somehow you made it whole again. You’re my light in my darkness. Could you be my only and final truth? For my soul weakens of even the thought of you, for my breath stops of the very sight of you, for my heart aches for yours when you away. The flames of your light burns within my soul begging for me to give in…I’m scared to jump unto you, yet I’m ready to feel your arms around me forever. I see the ring on my finger from you... I see so much. Why, why do you want me so? How could something so beautiful push its soul and heart into me? God has put you in front of me for a reason, put all these feelings and images towards you for a purpose. You feel so right to me and so perfect I don’t know how it could be true! I can’t stop the falling anymore…I can’t hide all these fellings anymore…For it feels like a lifetime that I have known you. Are you what I have been waiting for my whole life? Your light burns brighter and brighter and comes closer and closer for I can no longer run... Nor do I want to. Somehow I know I belong to you... Maybe it’s the deep thoughts I can see in your eyes, the love that you project towards me with every look or the passion that lingers off of your lips. All I know is I’m done running and hiding, I’m running into that light and I’m never looking back. If there is ever any love for me to believe in, it is this! I feel your arms around me and I have never felt so safe or loved.. For I am forever yours .. For my soul has imprinted on yours. Time can only tell my true fate.. so I am awaiting with all my love in your arms for what I feel is my soulmate, for you to make your next move in your life with me by your side.

May 29th

So I had the joy of going to court with my mom for the first time woohoo! When we get there and she goes in while I sit in the car. As I was sitting there I notice his car isn’t anywhere so I keep looking just to see that this one woman in a car was looking at me. At this point I really started to think maybe that was his girlfriend, which even the very thought of it pissed me off. Time goes on and still this woman is looking at me then I knew it was her! This woman was about to break her freaking neck from trying to look at me so what do I do? I make myself nice and cozy and sit there and looked at her as hard as I could and I never looked away. With her knowing that I was daring her to even try to do anything she turned her head and looked away while still glancing back just to see if I was still looking at her. Two hours go by and it finally came to an end as I waited for my mother to come out my ‘’father’’ came out with his lawyer smiling and laughing together. See anything wrong with that? I sat there watching, waiting ,and wondering if he was even going to see me sitting there looking at him but he was to worried about hopping in his new car with his girlfriend/friend while we go home and try to find ways to pay for the lights to stay on. Oh what a man he is! I haven’t asked one thing from him since he has left but one thing. I asked for his wedding ring since it means nothing to him anyway and he called me and laughed, cussed, yelled just being as nasty as he could be over it.